The Darkness Inside

I did think a long time about a title for this post and pictures and after a conversation with a dear, sweet friend today, I suddenly had the idea – “The dark beast inside of me sometimes needs some release”

We all know that feeling I guess. You often just try to be polite and kind even if you feel that the inner beast tries to break free. In my life I learned that his beast has two different sides. It is very emotional and hot-headed on one side and sometimes it can be very dark ironic and sarcastic on the other. That is why I learned to control it and keep it locked in chains inside of me.

Certainly I was told to not always swallow all my emotions and everything that I get told, but the same time there is way how you can express this in a polite and adult way.

The most difficult it gets when you feel hurt. Because then this beast inside just rambles and rattles with the chains, developing immense power so that I sometimes really be afraid it would break that chains and just break free.

But exactly those situations taught me the most. When I was able to still keep it inside, it felt as a success to not let it win over me just because of someones judgement, rumors, gossips or words.

Every time I was able to keep it locked away, I felt that I did grow stronger. It was a long process and it took me years and sadly it is still not perfectly locked. But maybe it does not have to be, because everything has an end as well and so does patience, understanding and politeness. Sometimes people really need to know when they overstepped a line or did hurt me even if they will not believe nor change their behaviour – most of the time because they can’t as they have nothing in their life than trying to make others miserable. Then you do not even need to argue with those, because you can’t win. Anyways what you will say to prove them wrong they will turn it around and again use it against you no matter what. So all you can do is let it go, turn around and move on.

If you move on, you will meet new people in the future who will treat you with more respect and in an adult way. Certainly not only those, but all the others will wait for you left and right as well and maybe it is the personal challenge of everyone’s life to pass those who do not matter to meet those who DO matter – if that makes any sense. That does not mean you should not take any critiques, but you can learn to decide between the good and the bad critique. The bad, that only was used to hurt, blame or accuse you without any content OR the one that sometimes hurts too a bit – because you might have seen it different – but that as well contains facts and things that let you learn and grow from.

In the end you are the one, that has to make the decisions in your life – nobody can do or should do that for – as long as you can.

For me it feels better to have a mainly positive life (all of us have bad days or experiences) instead of a hate filled, jealous and not satisfied one. I always ask myself – before I react on things – if it would be worth fighting or arguing about something, or just smile and say thank you, turn around and move on. Both cases did happen and both will happen in the future, but if I argue or discuss I try to stay with the facts, be polite and kind and as well stay adult and not just release the inner beast without thinking. If that happens, I exactly would do that, what I do not want be done to myself – hurt, accuse or become personal and unobjective – and that is not an option to me if I can control it. I have to admit, over the years I became way more calm in such situations and maybe it is the age that lets you think before you take any action 😉

Details

Clothing & Accessoires:

Outfit: Salt & Pepper – “Strapped” (Gacha, Maitreya)

Arms Straps: L’Emporio – “Harness Arms” (Maitreya)

Shoes: Bax – “Regency Boots”

Chains: E.V.E Studio – “{Apocalyptica} Cyber Snake Chains”

Makeup & Hair:

Hair: A&Y Bunker – “Cyro Hair”

Hairbase: Mina – “Myla Hairbase” (LeLutka Applier)

Makeup: Zibska – “Ballard Makeup” (LeLutka Applier)

Body & Tattoo:

Head: LeLutka – “Simone 3.0”

Body: Maitreya – “Lara 4.1”

Ears: Swallow – “Pixie Ears”

Arms: Zibska – “Speckles” (Maitreya Applier)

Poses & Props:

Pose: Poseidon

In Myself – The place to be…

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When words do not matter
When a touch does not reach
When loneliness is a crowd
I move into myself

When friends become strangers
When asskissers get what they want
When no one understands
I stay in myself

When dreams become nightmares
When a start is the end
When nothing has meaning
I am trapped in myself

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Details

Corset: A&Y – “Victorian Vinyl Corset” (mesh)

Pants: LeeZu – “Glitter Hotpants” & “Cat Tights”

Mask: A&Y – “Lumen Cyber Mask” (mesh)

Hair: A&Y – “Cyro Hair” (mesh)

Skin: Silken Moon – “Wicca” (custom  made skin)

Makeup: Nuuna’s (different ones combined)

Boots: NeurolaB Inc. – “Fatality”

Poses: Del May

Model & Photographer: Wicca Merlin

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