From little Seeds great Flowers grow…

“She limped, unaided around the house, like a bird with its wing broken. Tame, because it couldn’t fly away. All her time was taken up with managing herself, working out new ways to do things. Being a different person in the world.”
[ Joan London, The Golden Age ]

I guess I never had  more opposite posts back to back  than the last and today’s… maybe thats because my life at the moment is a little bit upside down and huge changes are about to come. I do have mixed feelings about it, as I did not really plan those, but sometimes you just get forced to make changes and you have to adapt the situation and make the best out of it for yourself.

But then, like I wrote yesterday… I always wanted the freedom to do what ever I want on my personal blog and so I hope you all don’t mind a black/silver against white/gold contrast 😉

It was always something I thought a lot about. When I started modeling, we were taught, that we should find our personal style. Back then it was like either you are a casual person, a formal one, am avant garde one or one of those kind of styles that we all know. I never felt ‘home’ in one style genre only and so I started to call my personal style weird or crazy to at least have category if I was asked about. I do not know where all that comes from, but it is not only happening in Second Life. In real life I am a musician, but as well a teacher and I do give private lessons for instruments and songwriting and I do work for a record studio playing the bass sometimes, too. I never had the desire to have a nine-to-five job, more than that I even was scared about the thought to have to do the same every day in a certain time frame. Certainly it would be easier and you could plan your free-time better, but I guess I would miss something just having one job.

It isn’t the first time that a chapter of the book of my life closes (sometimes I had to close them my self, too) and so I know if one closes another one will open. Just the time until that happens is sometimes a bit scary, as you never know what it will be. Usually those kind of “in-between” times only happen if you didn’t close the chapter yourself. Mostly they do happen, if you didn’t plan any changes and all of a sudden for no reason others decide to screw you over with lies and gossips that aren’t even true. First I tried to fight against that, but if you have 4 people gained up against you they can pretty much tell everything and being their own witnesses for their lies. First it dragged me down a lot and I was trying to find a way how I still could prove the truth, but the longer it did happen, the more I came to the point that it would be senseless. So I had to change my tactics and just make my peace with it and find new ways for myself. It would have been an unnecessary waste of power and time to keep on fighting in the end.

So I am looking forward to what will come. Things have come up to my mind already and now just need to grow and being developed more. That already feels much better than the time of uncertainty, where you have no clue what you are going to. Maybe that’s why I found parts of my creativity back, too and have fun taking pictures again even if they are a little bit weird *winks*

For now I will be on holidays and try to get some rest from all the past half a year crap. I know things will move on, as they always have and every time it happened, there was something new for  me that I really enjoyed. Even if that sounds old and lame sometimes and in the middle of frustrating and depressing times you neither want to hear or see it – Life has so much to give and there always will be ways to find new perspectives. Recently I found a quote, first I read it was from Sigmund Freud, but when I looked it up, there wasn’t any prove for that and no one really knows where it came from, but it does fit so perfectly for now and I like it a lot. I even thought, if I should put it on a sign and place it at my desktop somewhere, so I can look at it if I get bad feelings about the whole situation again. Maybe it makes a great closing sentence for today’s post *grins*

“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.”

Clothing

Dress: CURELESS[+] – “Pygmalion’s Bride / M / Galatea Bridal Gown” (Maitreya, Gacha, Rare)

Gloves: CURELESS[+] – “Pygmalion’s Bride / M / Galatea Gloves” (Maitreya, Gacha, Rare)

Accessories

Collar: .Charm. – “Skai Collar” (Store closed)

Piercing: [CX] – “Bitten 2017”

Hair & Makeup

Hair: no.match – “No.Arrest”

Eyeshadow 1: Nanika – “Gold Eyeshadow” (LeLutka Applier)

Eyeshadow 2: Zibska – “Lennie” (LeLutka Applier)

Face Art: Nanika – “Serena Gold” (Omega Applier)

Body & Tattoo

Head: LeLutka – “Simone 3.3”

Body: Maitreya – “Lara 4.1”

Legs: CURELESS[+] – “Pygmalion’s Bride / M / Galatea Legs / MARBLE” (Maitreya, Gacha, Common)

Ears: .:E.A.Studio:. – “Thauron Ears”

Eyes: .ARISE. – “Blind Eyes / Gold”

Skin: *YS&YS* – “Immortal Skin Applier” (LeLutka & Maitreya Applier)

Tattoo: Nanika – “Gold Sequins Mesh Body Applier” (Maitreya Applier)

Poses & Props

Poses: Poseidon

Set:

E.V.E Studio – “WHISPER Petals {Gold}”  (Gacha, Rare)

E.V.E Studio – “Apple Flower M01”

E.V.E Studio – “Apple Flower M02”

E.V.E Studio – “Golden Apple”

E.V.E Studio – “Flowers of the Golden Apple”

E.V.E Studio – “Petals Path A {Gold}”

E.V.E Studio – “Petals Path B {Gold}”

E.V.E Studio – “Dancing Petals Dystopia in Bronze/Gold”

Air – “Road sign type A stand_gold_CM”

Air – “Road sign type C_gold_CM”

Air – “Road sign type D_gold_CM”

Air – “Road sign type E_gold_CM”

Air – “Lost Bravery stand(gold)_CM”

Air – “Lost Brain stand(gold)_CM”

DISORDERLY. – “Enchanted Extras / Beast’s Library Papers”

Raindale – “Elnaril floor candle holder (light gold)”

{anc} – “mannequin. MermaidPrincess(Adult)” (Gacha, Rare)

Model & Photographer

Wicca Merlin

It was one of those days again…

TUNES

Illusion

Being like you are, well, this is something else
Who would comprehend? But some that do lay claim
Divine purpose blesses them, that’s not what I believe
And it doesn’t matter anyway
A part of your soul ties you to the next world
Or maybe to the last but I’m still not sure
But what I do know is to us the world is different
As we are to the world, I guess you would know that
Please don’t go, I want you to stay
I’m begging you, please, please don’t leave here
I don’t want you to hate for all the hurt that you feel
The world is just illusion trying to change you
[VNV Nation]

It was one of those days again…
It was dark, cold and misty outside and sometimes it mirrors to my inner. I would not say I hate that days, they bring out a certain type of feeling and emotions and they make you think about yourself a lot more and as well different. Life taught me to not stay too long in that moments, but as well not try to skip them either. I need them as a part of me and if they happen, I just let them for a while. I have no idea if that makes sense – I hope it does and those who had those moments too, I thin you know what I am talking about.
If I am in Second Life on such days and try to style up a look, it does something to me and my looks. It takes me longer to finish a style and the thought s and emotions go way deeper than with a usual look. It is hard to explain as 90% about it is feelings and emotions and you know how hard those are to describe 😉

Usually on such days I start off with something I bought longer ago and never had the right mood to work on it.
Today it was the “Black Parade Uniform” from CUREMORE. I fell in love with that outfit ages ago and when CURELESS [+] had their sale I could not longer resist and got the fatpack. I adore the way how CURELESS [+] as well as Moon Amore do obviously cute and frilly outfits, but they all have kinda a morbid feeling to them still. The texture work and the mesh details are amazing. Initially I had something Circus like in mind, but the more I was looking at it, trying several things the vision changed. First I added the awesome “Kate Thigh High Boots” from [Gos], which they released at UBER. I am a high boots addicted so those super cool boots were a no-brainer :p, I could not miss them in my wardrobe.

As usual the boots come in all the popular mesh body sizes and with the 3 amazing HUDs from [Gos] – Boutique, Metallic and Blueberry. You do not only have a wide variety for the colors – Even for metals and sole you get several options. As if that would not be already enough, for the “Kate Thigh High Boots” you get the option to chose from a thick or thin heel as well (like shown in the picture above)!
I do not know why, but while I was staring at my pixels to think about what I could do all of a sudden, the “Black Widow” collar from DRD popped up in my mind. First I thought it wouldn’t fit, because the uniform already had such a high neck… but it turned out, that exactly that made it fit perfectly! Sometimes it is kinda fate I guess.
For the poses and props I immediately had an idea after I added the huge back collar. I had blogged some poses of the “Necromatic” pose gacha with the skeleton, but I as well had some violin poses seen in my folder and I had a feeling, those would fit perfectly. First I used the violin and the bow that the pose had included but with the brown violin I felt a little disturbed from my vision. When I started to look for a black violin on MP I remembered I had a black skull violin from Grollwerk like in forever – I have to admit it is an old prim violin and the store already seems to have closed down, but for a picture it would do it I thought and it did 😉
I wanted to wear such a little, cute hat that makes no sense, but looks good and so I had to find a special hair, which is close to the head and not too high at the top. Certainly I found one at no.match 🙂
I love the textures and the way how no.match does their hair. I rarely have alpha glitches even with longer hair and she has the perfect size as well if hair goes down over my chest. If you followed me for while you will know, that I use no,match hair a lot :p.
Now I only needed a special makeup to satisfy my mood. I recently had the honor of being chosen to do a makeup spread in the Eclipse Magazine for ALMA (HERE). That brought ALMA back to my plate – I have to admit I know them for a while but sometimes you forget about cool stores and the more happy I was when I discovered it again and found so many new cool makeups and face art. If you are looking for something out of the box, vibrant colors or really complete, extraordinary face art, ALMA is your place of desire.
Finally after hours I was happy with my look and it did mirror exactly what I was feeling while doing it. That does not happen too often I have to admit, but I do enjoy that immensely.
Then comes that next challenge… what to use as background or scenery?!? Nothing too colorful, nothing clean but as well nothing too dark and nothing too dirty… initially that always feels like a challenge I never can work out. Sometimes I even get frustrated if I can not find the right location or built the right scenery and then I just delete my whole look as on those special days, where I am in that special mood I do not want to make any compromises as they just feel wrong and take all of the depth from the picture. Thank God there is Ironwood Hills! Ironwood Hills has so many different corners and places, that I usually find what I am looking for if I wasn’t able to built something or get an idea of what I would like to have. This time it was the old, rotten theater from Marcus Inkpen, that they have rezzed out there near the landing spot. I just had to add my music items and some broken furniture and it looked exactly as I imagined it and … the best part… it did match my feelings!!! You really should explore Ironwood Hills and I swear you won’t discover all the little details and corners on one day 😉

Clothing

Outfit: CUREMORE – “Black Parade Uniform” (Maitreya)
Shoes: [Gos] – “Kate Thigh High Boots” (Maitreya) – NEW @ UBER
Tights: .::Nanika::. – “Alina Tights Black” (Maitreya Applier)

Accessories

Hat: *BOOM* – “The Baroness Hat”
Collar: .:Avanti:. – “Vexie Collar” (Rigged)
Back Collar: DRD – “Black Widow Collar – Frost”
Rings: [Since1975] – “NoMercy Rings” (Maitreya, Bento)
Nail Polish: {ZOZ} – “Time Reds Polish” (Maitreya Applier)
Instrument: [GW] – “Skull Violin” (Store Closed)

Hair & Makeup

Hair: no.match – “No. Comission”
Eyemakeup: ALMA – “Isola” (LeLutka Applier)
Face Art: ALMA – “Being Human” (LeLutka Applier)
Lipstick: Zibska – “Bussaba” (Maitreya Applier)

Body & Tattoo

Head: LeLutka – “Simone 3.3”
Body: Maitreya – “Lara 4.1”
Eyes: CURELESS [+] – “Seeres Eyes”
Skin: *YS&YS* – “Ginny Vamp Skin” (LeLutka & Maitreya Applier)
Tattoo: [White~Widow] – “Izo” (Maitreya Applier)

Poses & Props

Poses (incl. Stool): Le Poppycock – “Necromantic – The Oldest Song” & “Necromatic – Grim Anthem” (Bento, Gacha)

Note Stand: Fancy Decor – “Music Stand”

Notes: Nutmeg – “Old Music Sheets Floor” & “Old Music Sheets Standing”

Furniture 1: [ zerkalo ] – “Last Refuge – Dirty Matress – PG”

Furniture 2: DISORDERLY – “Overgrown Patio – Table & Chairs” + “Burried Treasure”

Location

Model & Photographer

Fallen Angel

Fallen Angel

Late at night I could hear the crying
I hear it all, trying to fall asleep
When all the love around you is dying
You do it all for my own protection
You make me feel like I’ll be okay
Still I have so many questions
How do you stay so strong?
How did you hide it all for so long?
How can I take the pain away?

How can I save,
A fallen angel, in the dark
Never thought you’d fall so far
Fallen angel, close your eyes
I won’t let you fall tonight
Fallen angel, just let go
You don’t have to be alone
Fallen angel, close your eyes
I won’t let you fall tonight
I was right beside you
When you went to hell and back again
I was right beside you
When you went to hell and back again
And I, I couldn’t save, a fallen angel
A fallen angel, in the dark

Never thought you’d fall so far
Fallen angel, close your eyes
I won’t let you fall tonight
Fallen angel, just let go
You don’t have to be alone
Fallen angel, close your eyes
I won’t let you fall tonight
Fallen angel
[Three Days Grace]

Outfit & Accessories

Outfit: [Glitzz] – “Melinda Body” (Maitreya)
Shoes: A&Y Cybernetics – “Aglaya Latex Cyber Boots” (Maitreya) – NEW @ Fetish Fair 2018 / 2nd Edition
Collar: .:Avanti:. – “Nayomi”
Horns & Septum: [CX] – “Wicket Beast”
Wings: Blueberry – “Oakley Wings-Black” (Gacha, Rare)
Headpiece: CURELESS [+] & DISORDERLY – “Dollhouse Survivors / Handy Tiara-Burnt” (Gacha)
Forehead: CURELESS [+] – “Leonius Marking”

Hair & Makeup

Hair: no.match – “No.Shield”
Hair Straints on the Closeup: Rayne Morgan (highly edited)

Body & Tattoos

Head: CURELESS [+] – “Luxurious Dolls / RARE / The Crystallized Doll Head” (Gacha, Rare)
Body: Maitreya – “Lara 4.1”
Arms: CURELESS [+] – “Melodic Doll Arms” (Maitreya, Gacha, Rare)
Tattoo: CURELESS [+] – “Divine Delineation” (Maitreya Applier, Group Gift)

Poses & Props

Poses: Foxcity
Backdrop: %anxiety – “Catacomb”

Model & Photographer