The Darkness Inside

I did think a long time about a title for this post and pictures and after a conversation with a dear, sweet friend today, I suddenly had the idea – “The dark beast inside of me sometimes needs some release”

We all know that feeling I guess. You often just try to be polite and kind even if you feel that the inner beast tries to break free. In my life I learned that his beast has two different sides. It is very emotional and hot-headed on one side and sometimes it can be very dark ironic and sarcastic on the other. That is why I learned to control it and keep it locked in chains inside of me.

Certainly I was told to not always swallow all my emotions and everything that I get told, but the same time there is way how you can express this in a polite and adult way.

The most difficult it gets when you feel hurt. Because then this beast inside just rambles and rattles with the chains, developing immense power so that I sometimes really be afraid it would break that chains and just break free.

But exactly those situations taught me the most. When I was able to still keep it inside, it felt as a success to not let it win over me just because of someones judgement, rumors, gossips or words.

Every time I was able to keep it locked away, I felt that I did grow stronger. It was a long process and it took me years and sadly it is still not perfectly locked. But maybe it does not have to be, because everything has an end as well and so does patience, understanding and politeness. Sometimes people really need to know when they overstepped a line or did hurt me even if they will not believe nor change their behaviour – most of the time because they can’t as they have nothing in their life than trying to make others miserable. Then you do not even need to argue with those, because you can’t win. Anyways what you will say to prove them wrong they will turn it around and again use it against you no matter what. So all you can do is let it go, turn around and move on.

If you move on, you will meet new people in the future who will treat you with more respect and in an adult way. Certainly not only those, but all the others will wait for you left and right as well and maybe it is the personal challenge of everyone’s life to pass those who do not matter to meet those who DO matter – if that makes any sense. That does not mean you should not take any critiques, but you can learn to decide between the good and the bad critique. The bad, that only was used to hurt, blame or accuse you without any content OR the one that sometimes hurts too a bit – because you might have seen it different – but that as well contains facts and things that let you learn and grow from.

In the end you are the one, that has to make the decisions in your life – nobody can do or should do that for – as long as you can.

For me it feels better to have a mainly positive life (all of us have bad days or experiences) instead of a hate filled, jealous and not satisfied one. I always ask myself – before I react on things – if it would be worth fighting or arguing about something, or just smile and say thank you, turn around and move on. Both cases did happen and both will happen in the future, but if I argue or discuss I try to stay with the facts, be polite and kind and as well stay adult and not just release the inner beast without thinking. If that happens, I exactly would do that, what I do not want be done to myself – hurt, accuse or become personal and unobjective – and that is not an option to me if I can control it. I have to admit, over the years I became way more calm in such situations and maybe it is the age that lets you think before you take any action 😉

Details

Clothing & Accessoires:

Outfit: Salt & Pepper – “Strapped” (Gacha, Maitreya)

Arms Straps: L’Emporio – “Harness Arms” (Maitreya)

Shoes: Bax – “Regency Boots”

Chains: E.V.E Studio – “{Apocalyptica} Cyber Snake Chains”

Makeup & Hair:

Hair: A&Y Bunker – “Cyro Hair”

Hairbase: Mina – “Myla Hairbase” (LeLutka Applier)

Makeup: Zibska – “Ballard Makeup” (LeLutka Applier)

Body & Tattoo:

Head: LeLutka – “Simone 3.0”

Body: Maitreya – “Lara 4.1”

Ears: Swallow – “Pixie Ears”

Arms: Zibska – “Speckles” (Maitreya Applier)

Poses & Props:

Pose: Poseidon

True Friendship

“And now to something completely different!”

In RL my English teacher – back when I was at school – used to say that if he was changing his topic, and after a roll of post apocalyptic posts (one is still missing), I wanted to do something different and finally my mind was able to do something else *giggles*

I am always fascinated from white pictures and rarely – if I try one – , they come out as I want them too.

But this time it did! I wanted to do a combination of power and fragile moments in a very soft environment.

All I added for the set were the “Waving Bioluminescent Fungus” in white and the “Rapunzel in Evie White Tower” in front of a white background. The “Rapunzel in Evie White Tower” reminded me of the thought of your inner voice, that talks to you if you have decisions to make or that you ask when you are down and do not know who to ask. It looked great in the background for the idea of the picture.

Do you know that moment, where people want you to be strong and you feel right the opposite but cannot show that, because you have a task to end or you have to be there for someone?

It is like an inner fight with yourself, trying to not let the fragile side win. Sometimes you need to be strong, no matter what. Even if I have been told several times to not hide my feelings – if you have a true friendship, sometimes your own feelings have to be pushed behind to be there for your friend. Thank god it does not happen too often that those 2 ‘souls’ come up to the same time. Would you not expect the same from a true friend – to be there for you when you need him or her most? and even if I am always afraid to bother someone with my problems and moods. But IF I do, I really to expect close and true friends to be there for me. And saying that I would even get up in the middle of the night and drive 500 and more kilometers to help , when it would be needed and possible.

True friendship is rare and even more rare in an online environment, but it is there. Many times you might be disappointed from people who you thought you know but if you stop trusting… you never will find those who are true and honest. You would cut yourself off to meet people who could be potential true and honest friends. I do not know if that makes sense – bear with the German – but I hope you know what I am trying to say.

In the past 10 years in SecondLife, I met many people. Some I still talk to, some quit playing and some just vanished. It was a rollercoaster journey in terms of meeting people. A few I let come close to me and they ripped out my heart and left me in pain for weeks. sometimes I even thought I will quit playing Second Life. But then there are some that I met, which caught me, gave me the feeling of being close to them and those I would not want to miss again. It might only be a handful people who really do know me – know more behind Wicca’s pixel – but those I highly value and I could not think about a life without them anymore. Even if we never met, we shared tons of hours on skype or inworld, even further on mobile communication tools and they became part of not only my Second Life but my real one as well.

Friendships are different – Some are super close and with some you share moments and experiences but you do not talk to them on an everyday base. That does not have to be bad though, they are still friends I do care for and in the moment we meet we have the biggest fun ever 🙂

I never would wanna change the past, as it did make me to what I am now – SL and RL. Even the pain made me learn something –  I never stopped to trust people or give people a chance to know me and become new, true friends.

Sometimes it is hard, but if you go out to find new true and real friends maybe do not give them the burden or the doubt out of your past experiences. They are not responsible for that, nor they know.

I hope I did make sense with what I was trying to say – if not… maybe holler at me inworld and you can help me doing it better 😉

Details

Clothing & Accessories:

Outfit: Plastix – “Solaris” (Maitreya)

Shoes: Essenz – “Calgary” (Maitreya)

Shoulder Piece, Necklace & Brows: Zibska – “Verad” (Gacha)

Makeup & Hair:

Makeup: Zibska – “Verad Eye Makeup” (LeLutka Applier)

Lipstick: Zibska – “Adia” (LeLutka Applier)

Hair: enVogue – “Carley”

Head, Body & Tattoos:

Head: LeLutka – “Simone 3.0”

Body: Maitreya – “Lara 4.1”

Poses & Props:

Poses: Poseidon

Props: E.V.E Studio – “Waving Bioluminescent Fungus” & “Rapunzel in Evie White Tower”

Model & Photographer: Wicca Merlin

 

If it makes you happy…

If it makes you happy

TUNES

I’ve been long, a long way from here
Put on a poncho, played for mosquitos,
And drank til I was thirsty again
We went searching through thrift store jungles
Found Geronimo’s rifle, Marilyn’s shampoo
And Benny Goodman’s corset and pen

Well, o.k. I made this up
I promised you I’d never give up

You get down, real low down
You listen to Coltrane, derail your own train
Well who hasn’t been there before?
I come round, around the hard way
Bring you comics in bed, scrape the mold off the bread
And serve you french toast again

Well, o.k. I still get stoned
I’m not the kind of girl you’d take home

If it makes you happy
It can’t be that bad
If it makes you happy
Then why the hell are you so sad

[Sheryl Crow]

Details

Outfit: Indented – “Bea” (Maitreya)

Hair: EMO-tions – “Denise (V2)”

Collar: Voluptas Virtualis – “Rye Collar” (Maitreya)

Glasses: ANE – “Tehe”

Rings: MEVA – “Bento Maitreya Rings” (Maitreya)

Lipstick: je suis… – “LeLutka Lips no. 006 [greys]” (LeLutka applier)

Basics

Head: LeLutka – “Simone 2.7”

Body: Maitreya – “Lara V4.1”

Shape: Selfmade

Model & Photographer: Wicca Merlin