Who are you behind the screen?

Are you a guy or a girl behind the screen?

That is a question, I heard so many times in my SL life. In the beginning – over 10 years ago – I had a different RL partner, who played a girl in SL and so he did not want me to voice or skype. He was afraid, that he would be ‘discovered’ as a guy, if ambiance noise or background phone calls were going on and that others would not RP or talk to him anymore if they would know. I respected his wish during our relationship and only typed. I never even thought about that being an issue for anyone, since I never requested myself being a female*lmao*, but when it happened the first time, I remember I really felt hurt somehow. I can not even say why, but it hit me right out of nothing when I got told “If you are not voicing you are a guy that tries to hide”

That was years ago and after I broke up with my partner, I did voice and prove more than once with it, that I am a real female.

But for about 2 years, it really kept getting more and more annoying and the more I was told if I don’t voice I must be a guy that I became stubborn as well and in the beginning I did not even wanna voice just because of all that. I did not want to let them dictate me and what I need to do. When I finally started to voice with some people that I always felt close and who never accused me to be a guy in RL It really was fun.

When I started modeling, I again stumbled over that fact. In some competitions they asked for voice checks, some designers where requesting voice verifications and at some modeling schools you had to prove, that you are a girl when you play a girl avatar. That really made me think… Why it would be so important, to know if a girl avatar really is a girl in RL? I mean we are not talking about relationships or cheating on other people who fell in love on wrong informations. There were some girls who told me in privacy that they would be guys and they would be afraid to say it, because they thought then they would not be allowed to model anymore as girls. And the ‘Why’ in my heads became bigger and bigger. What would make the difference on a SL model, designer or any other kind of roleplay if you don’t take it to RL, if that person is male or female or gay, lesbian or hetero? Does it matter for styling abilities? Does it matter for walking the runway?

Isn’t Second Life a place where you can be what you want? Isn’t Second Life a place where you can live your dreams? Isn’t Second Life a place where you can release a side of you that you can’t show in RL? Maybe there is a reason why a person does not voice even if they are the gender in RL, which they are playing in SL? Maybe someone cannot voice because they are not able to talk in RL, because they are deaf or mute?

The more I got into that, the more I hear things and read bad posts about people that were ‘discovered’ by others. Those people who did that always felt right about, that they revealed something ‘important’ and had to tell the whole world?!?! Who gave them the right to do that? Who gave them the right to hurt others with their stories? Who are they, that they think they need to be the Second Life police for that?

Again I am not talking about SL relationships that were meant to go RL and one got badly tricked, but I always said I do not care about what gender people are behind the screen as long as no one gets hurt. I know a few super, mega top models in SL that do a great job and be admired by many people and they are not the gender, which they are playing in SL. Who cares? They do an amazing job, otherwise they would not have made it so far. It is just sad, that they had to ask friends to do their ‘voice verifications’ for them, to be allowed to do what they like and enjoy.

I hope one day – in a world where transgenders in real life more and more get accepted and as well get popular and famous – people in Second Life can be as tolerant as they became RL.

I wish – in a world where creativity is a gift and all are aiming to be more creative – that all who only stand up to think about how they can hurt, slander and defame other people get a life and find joy and satisfaction in being productive instead of being constructive.

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”
[Bernard M. Baruch]

Outfit & Accessories

Lingerie: Enfant Terrible – “Bombshell” (Maitreya)

Stockings: BigBeautifulDoll – “Stockings Lady Nude Sheer” (Maitreya Applier)

Shoes: Bliensen + MaiTai – “It’s aways Teatime” (Maitreya) – NEW @ Enchantment

Wings: Enfant Terrible – “Unisex Wings Heartshape”

Gloves: CODEX – “Aranel” (Bento, Maitreya)

Blindfold & Collar: Bliensen + MaiTai – “La Perla” – NEW @ ROMP

Ring & Armlets: .alme. – “Maple Leaves Ring” (armlets edited)

Hair & Makeup

Hair: Mithral – “Agave”

Body & Tattoo

Head: LeLutka – “Simone 3.0”

Body: Maitreya – “Lara 4.1”

Face: Izzie’s – “Pores & Blemishes” (LeLutka Applier)

Poses & Props

Bed & Poses: Dictatorshop – “Contempo Bed” (menu driven) – NEW @ ROMP

Background: DRD – “Shadow Mansion – Light” (Bedroom, Shadow Box Bonus)

Model & Photographer

Wicca Merlin

4 thoughts on “Who are you behind the screen?

  1. My SL voice was being wonky the other day and it seemed to work for everyone but me. A friend of a friend joined up with our little gang and kept asking everyone why I was not speaking. I could hear them explain that my voice wasn’t working and he became extremely agitated. He then started saying that I was really a man to which my friends all assured him that I was not. He even questioned their belief that I female, and was emphatic that I was a man that had tricked them. Even after they explained we have been speaking in voice on SL for over 9 years, he was still audibly uncomfortable. He had so much anxiety over the whole thing I relogged so that voice would kick back in.

    After I was annoyed with myself for feeling as if I had to prove that I was a woman because, what if I was not?! And, if I was not… what concern is it to this man I had never met before? SL is where people come to be whatever they want to be! Im’a elf for god’s sake! I for one will never go out of my way to prove my gender again to someone….. let them be as uncomfortable as they make those who don’t conform to their gender ideas. #LoveIsLove <3

  2. I have this friend in SL that’s a DJ and he always demands i use voice which bothers me. For me it’s not that I am not who I say but I am someone who’s parent is well known and I sound a bit like them and don’t want people to know who I am offline. I love friends in SL but i hate people demanding things from me.

    • There are various reasons to not use voice and in my view it should be all up to the person to decide to use voice or not. No one should demand something from anyone else in my opinion, especially if it comes to your privacy. You are the one, that should be allowed to choose for yourself who you want share it with. Thanks a lot for your experience and the time to comment 🙂

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