TUNES

Never wanted to feel
Never wanted you to steal my heart
Never wanted to know
Never wanted to show I’m weak

Always wanted to be
Always wanted you to see my heart
Always wanted your love
Always wanted but never was

Never told you before
Never loved you more

I’m falling all over myself
Trying to be someone else
I wish you would dare to walk me home
So I wouldn’t have to feel alone

I’m falling all over myself
Dying to be someone else
I wish you would dare to walk me home
I don’t wanna fight the world alone

[Pretty Reckless]

“When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself”
[Earl Nightingale]

I am sure we all know that feeling… you got hurt to the bones and all you want is revenge in the very first moment, before your mind comes clear again.

It feels like some one ripped you apart and you want nothing more, than that person slowly dying, under all the pain that you even can imagine. Sometimes maybe we even need that feelings to wakeup, even if it feels like your heart got ripped out. Sometimes it opens our eyes that we closed by trust to someone, no matter what others said.

I am guilty for that, because I never listen to what one person has to say about another. I want to make my own experiences, without being biased by any kind of opinion. That might sound stupid to many, but for me in general it was a good thing, even if you get disappointed and hurt sometimes. I would not have met some of my dearest friends, just because others did not go well along with them. When you get older it is easier to listen first and to keep it in the back of your head without letting it affect your first meeting with a new person. But in general I am still stubborn with that and wanna know that person first before do any kind of judgment.

If you met such a person, and you go along well over many years and then all of a sudden that person turns around 180° and shows exactly that behavior, that you was warned about, THAT even hurts more than a ‘usual’ disappointment. That happened to me only 2 times in SL for thank god and not too many times in RL either. But in that very moments, it felt a blood rage coming up from deep inside and I was not able to do anything, because I was not even told what my mistake would have been, to make that person change so badly. You think of all kind of actions what you could do to that person, not only to hurt them but to get rid of that pain deep inside you. Sometimes it even makes you crazy when you try to figure out, what could have happened and do not find anything that would lead to such an action.

I always was a hot head with deep emotions and when I was younger it was even worse than today. As a kid I had to take immediate action somehow to lower that kind of pain. Today I at least can sit back and calm down first. After some time the pain lowers and I do not anymore feel like blinded by a mask of rage. I learned to deal with that kind of pain. Usually I tell myself, that we are all humans and humans are doing those things sometimes. That I am not always responsible for 360° mind changes, just because some people like to listen to others and never really do the hassle to try to get you known, or ask about a gossip they were told. That would require a lot of strength, to confront someone with a gossip and maybe not getting the response that you want. It is easier to believe something someone said about somebody, instead of going to that person and say “Hey I heard you did this/ said that about me”. I do that and even that can cost you a friendship, but then… that friendship might not have been hold too long anyways, or not being worth the effort to do that. Like Frank N. Further sang it already in the Rocky Horror Picture Show “Don’t judge a book by its” cover”! Sometimes it might be worth it to at least read the first few lines before you doom someone. You even might be surprised, what is behind that cover – or even that gossip you heard – if you know both sides. I know taking that time is an effort, but it might pay off positive in the end 😉

Real friendship, that even survives gossips and mistakes, is something very valuable to me and I do have a very few people in my RL and SL, that I would put my hand into fire for and I know – anyways when I call them, or if I try to reach them – they will be there for me – even in the middle of the night.

Having those friends, who even listen if you are in a bad pain psychological or physical, makes that pain not that heavy anymore. Sometimes they even can help you to calm down and see the other side of the coin by taking off your rage mask.

I am grateful for all of you, that helped me through hard, emotional situations. You know who you are, without me throwing names! Than you for making my Second Life more nice everyday and sometimes even my real life ♥

Outfit & Accessories

Outfit (+Torso, feeet & hands): CURELESS [+] – “Anatomic Doll” (Maitreya, Bento, Gacha)

Collar: Salt & Pepper (S&P) – “Octoberfest Collar – Black” (Gacha)

Nails (right hand): [CX] – “Heavily Nailed – Rough”

Heart (left hand): CURELESS [+] – “Valentine’s Heart”

Hair & Makeup

Hair: no.match – “No.Case”

Body & Tattoo

Head: CURELESS [+] – “Luxury Dolls/Amethyst” (Gacha)

Body: Maitreya – “Lara 4.1”

Skin: CURELESS [+] – “Luxury Dolls / Appliers & Carved Three” (Maitreya Applier, comes with the Head)

Poses & Props

Poses: Poseidon – “Amazon Princess 5 rev” + Infiniti – “Coy 3M” (both lightly moded for the left arm)

Backdrop: [CX] – “Crucem Inverso”

Model & Photographer

Wicca Merlin