“She limped, unaided around the house, like a bird with its wing broken. Tame, because it couldn’t fly away. All her time was taken up with managing herself, working out new ways to do things. Being a different person in the world.”
[ Joan London, The Golden Age ]
I guess I never had more opposite posts back to back than the last and today’s… maybe thats because my life at the moment is a little bit upside down and huge changes are about to come. I do have mixed feelings about it, as I did not really plan those, but sometimes you just get forced to make changes and you have to adapt the situation and make the best out of it for yourself.
But then, like I wrote yesterday… I always wanted the freedom to do what ever I want on my personal blog and so I hope you all don’t mind a black/silver against white/gold contrast 😉
It was always something I thought a lot about. When I started modeling, we were taught, that we should find our personal style. Back then it was like either you are a casual person, a formal one, am avant garde one or one of those kind of styles that we all know. I never felt ‘home’ in one style genre only and so I started to call my personal style weird or crazy to at least have category if I was asked about. I do not know where all that comes from, but it is not only happening in Second Life. In real life I am a musician, but as well a teacher and I do give private lessons for instruments and songwriting and I do work for a record studio playing the bass sometimes, too. I never had the desire to have a nine-to-five job, more than that I even was scared about the thought to have to do the same every day in a certain time frame. Certainly it would be easier and you could plan your free-time better, but I guess I would miss something just having one job.
It isn’t the first time that a chapter of the book of my life closes (sometimes I had to close them my self, too) and so I know if one closes another one will open. Just the time until that happens is sometimes a bit scary, as you never know what it will be. Usually those kind of “in-between” times only happen if you didn’t close the chapter yourself. Mostly they do happen, if you didn’t plan any changes and all of a sudden for no reason others decide to screw you over with lies and gossips that aren’t even true. First I tried to fight against that, but if you have 4 people gained up against you they can pretty much tell everything and being their own witnesses for their lies. First it dragged me down a lot and I was trying to find a way how I still could prove the truth, but the longer it did happen, the more I came to the point that it would be senseless. So I had to change my tactics and just make my peace with it and find new ways for myself. It would have been an unnecessary waste of power and time to keep on fighting in the end.
So I am looking forward to what will come. Things have come up to my mind already and now just need to grow and being developed more. That already feels much better than the time of uncertainty, where you have no clue what you are going to. Maybe that’s why I found parts of my creativity back, too and have fun taking pictures again even if they are a little bit weird *winks*
For now I will be on holidays and try to get some rest from all the past half a year crap. I know things will move on, as they always have and every time it happened, there was something new for me that I really enjoyed. Even if that sounds old and lame sometimes and in the middle of frustrating and depressing times you neither want to hear or see it – Life has so much to give and there always will be ways to find new perspectives. Recently I found a quote, first I read it was from Sigmund Freud, but when I looked it up, there wasn’t any prove for that and no one really knows where it came from, but it does fit so perfectly for now and I like it a lot. I even thought, if I should put it on a sign and place it at my desktop somewhere, so I can look at it if I get bad feelings about the whole situation again. Maybe it makes a great closing sentence for today’s post *grins*
“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.”
Clothing
Dress: CURELESS[+] – “Pygmalion’s Bride / M / Galatea Bridal Gown” (Maitreya, Gacha, Rare)
Gloves: CURELESS[+] – “Pygmalion’s Bride / M / Galatea Gloves” (Maitreya, Gacha, Rare)
Accessories
Collar: .Charm. – “Skai Collar” (Store closed)
Piercing: [CX] – “Bitten 2017”
Hair & Makeup
Hair: no.match – “No.Arrest”
Eyeshadow 1: Nanika – “Gold Eyeshadow” (LeLutka Applier)
Eyeshadow 2: Zibska – “Lennie” (LeLutka Applier)
Face Art: Nanika – “Serena Gold” (Omega Applier)
Body & Tattoo
Head: LeLutka – “Simone 3.3”
Body: Maitreya – “Lara 4.1”
Legs: CURELESS[+] – “Pygmalion’s Bride / M / Galatea Legs / MARBLE” (Maitreya, Gacha, Common)
Ears: .:E.A.Studio:. – “Thauron Ears”
Eyes: .ARISE. – “Blind Eyes / Gold”
Skin: *YS&YS* – “Immortal Skin Applier” (LeLutka & Maitreya Applier)
Tattoo: Nanika – “Gold Sequins Mesh Body Applier” (Maitreya Applier)
Poses & Props
Poses: Poseidon
Set:
E.V.E Studio – “WHISPER Petals {Gold}” (Gacha, Rare)
E.V.E Studio – “Apple Flower M01”
E.V.E Studio – “Apple Flower M02”
E.V.E Studio – “Golden Apple”
E.V.E Studio – “Flowers of the Golden Apple”
E.V.E Studio – “Petals Path A {Gold}”
E.V.E Studio – “Petals Path B {Gold}”
E.V.E Studio – “Dancing Petals Dystopia in Bronze/Gold”
Air – “Road sign type A stand_gold_CM”
Air – “Road sign type C_gold_CM”
Air – “Road sign type D_gold_CM”
Air – “Road sign type E_gold_CM”
Air – “Lost Bravery stand(gold)_CM”
Air – “Lost Brain stand(gold)_CM”
DISORDERLY. – “Enchanted Extras / Beast’s Library Papers”
Raindale – “Elnaril floor candle holder (light gold)”
{anc} – “mannequin. MermaidPrincess(Adult)” (Gacha, Rare)
Model & Photographer
Wicca Merlin
