My Decision…

Not too long ago a very close friend of mine, Seaside, was IMing me, asking if I would be ok. First I was wondering why she would ask me that, but then she told me she was following my flickr and the latest, and very dark pictures did concern her. I thought that was very sweet and I tried to explain to her why I do have this super dark and destructive side as well. I was suffering of depressions a very long time of my life and I sometimes still do, but I learning to live and work with them. So if I do those very dark and morbid pictures, to me it is like checking up on an old friend, deep inside of me. This friend will never leave me, but we both learned how to co-exist. I just have to go there sometimes, to check on him and if he still is there in place, where I put him a long time ago. I do not know if that makes sense, but for me it is kinda like therapy and it does work out 90% of the time. The hard times, where I often was close to the moment of giving up, or even tried to give up are gone and that is what counts for me.

For quite some time, I did not want to see that. I thought with medicine, pills and therapy I can make it go away – I just wanted to ‘heal’. After many different attempts to do that, I met a wonderful person, that to me was more valuable than every therapist I ever met before. He was a therapist too, but I did not met him as a patient, I met him at one of my concerts and we became friends over the time. After we met several times we had a discussion about depressions and he gave me a completely new view on it. He told me, depressions would be kinda the same thing as being alcohol addicted, you can fight the symptoms, but not the facts, case or reasons. He stated, that I can decide, if I let the depressions take over my life or if I take control over the depressions. That sounds very easy , but it is not and I probably would not have been able to do that without any help. I was very lucky to have real friends and family, who helped me over the time of the learning process and it was not done in just a few weeks – it took years.

I decided to take control – even if I maybe never will have 100% of control, it made my life way easier that to just give up and live for the depressions. I wanted more from my life that what my depressions would have allowed me to do. But like I said before, sometimes that ‘old friend’ knocks at my door and I have to decide if I let him in, or if I just go out with him for a while or even go visit him at his place, where I can leave him when ever I want.

I know, depressions can be very different and there is no general solution for that, but you always have decision to fight against or to give up – I never won’t judge over someones decision, as either of both is an option to choose and while one can be good for someone, it can be bad for another person.

I hope, I could make sense with my words – English is not my first language ๐Ÿ˜‰

Outfit & Accessories

Outfit: Enfant Terrible – “Kimi” (Maitreya)

Boots: Blueberry – “Celia Boots – High Heels” (Maitreya)

Rings: Elle Boutique – “Bloom” (Maitreya, Bento)

Collar: Salt & Pepper – “Slumber Party” (Gacha, Rare)

Hair & Makeup

Hair: no.match – “No.Role”

Makeup: Zibska – “Mina Liner” (LeLutka Applier, Ltd. Gift)

Body & Tattoo

Head: LeLeutka – “Simone 3.0”

Body: Maitreya – “Lara 4.1”

Face: Izzie’s – “Pores & Blemishes” (LeLutka Applier)

Tattoo: [White~Widow] – “Anon” (Maitreya Applier)

Poses & Props

Prop: R.O.T. – “End Nature”

Poses: Foxcity – “Stairs (Sitting)” (Bento)

Model & Photographer

Wicca Merlin

Cheeky Bunny

I do not know what it is, but something changed in the past month for me when it comes to taking pictures. I worry about a lot of things, I never thought about before, I do like playing with lights, projectors and “no light” or “low light” windlight settings. The less light you have around you, the more control you get about the lights around you. In the past I first chose my windlight and then added one or two lights or projectors – lately I do it the other way round. I first set up my lights and then look for a windlight, that supports my idea. In the beginning it felt weird to set up out of the darkness, but it becomes better with each try. As well I discovered different desires, which I would like to have for my pictures and so I started a few new “learning projects”. I watched a lot of tutorials, practiced a lot and learned many new things.

One project that started – I tried to start that, since my vacation had begun – was to paint hair. I do have a graphic tablet forever but besides using it for textures I never touched it for pictures, as my mouse felt so much better with that. But try to paint hair with your mouse.. even if you really think you can control your mouse perfectly, but things like the pen pressure, I only get with the tablet. I forced myself to play with it and watched many tutorials. Slowly it starts working, but it really needs a lot of practice and I am not yet ready to show it offย  more than a few strands of hair ๐Ÿ˜‰

To not loose my motivation, I started to play with some ready made hair strands and wisps as well as hair brushes for Photoshop, as those as well helped me a lot to understand the basic hair drawing. When I found the strands from Rayne Morgan, I was completely speechless. I rarely saw such a well drawn hair in all it’s details and if you are willing to credit her work, she even offers a few free downloads on her Deviantart site (https://www.deviantart.com/raynemorgan).

There I found some interesting ready made hair as well for instant use. I always had wondered, how some photographers were able to paint or photograph hair and have such amazing results on Flickr. When I saw the website of Rayne Morgan… I immediately did know how a few did that ๐Ÿ˜‰

It is really breathtaking how that hair can change a Second Life picture like it did for the closeup above. You get the hair as a PSD file. You are able to color and as well warp it, until it matches your Second Life snapshot. I could not resist, to even work on that one by adding some more wisps and paint some little strands myself. It is not the end of my hair-paint experiences, as I really want to archive painting my own hair completely one day, but I wanted to share the progress and as well the way of keeping up my motivation to do so ๐Ÿ™‚

Outfit & Accessories

Outfit: //Ascend// – “Diora” (Maitreya) – NEW @ The Fetish Fair 2018 – 2nd Edition

Panty: .:Avanti:. – “Adara Panty” (Maitreya)

Shoes: UTOPIA@Design – “Jora” (Maitreya)

Hand & Rings: [Since1975] – “No Mercy Rings” (Maitreya, Bento)

Mask: FnH – “Bunny Mask”

Earrings: Elle Boutique – “Jaclyn Earring”

Hair & Makeup

Hair: Besom – “Piggy Bank”

Makeup: Zibska – “Radi Eyemakeup” (LeLutka Applier)

Lipstick: Izzie’s – “Metallic Lipsticks” (LeLutka Applier)

Hair for Closeup: Rayne Morgan

Head & Body

Head: LeLutka – “Simone 3.0”

Body: Maitreya – “Lara 4.1”

Face: Izzie’s – “Pore & Blemishes” (LeLutka Applier)

Legs: Zibska – “Wild Thang” (Maitreya Applier) – NEW @ TheSecret Affair

Poses & Props

Poses: Foxcity

Set:

Couch: [Ds] – “Contempo Ladies Chaise” – NEW @ The Fetish Fair 2018 – 2nd Edition

Lamp: Trompe Loeil – “Wiggle Modern Light”

Statue: NOMAD – “Bright Headed Mannequin C”

Mirror: [Figure 8] – “Narcissus Mirror Silver”

Model & Photographer

Wicca Merlin