Captured by my own Thoughts…

The past week was a rollercoaster of emotions for me. Life changed with the pandemic all over the world, I guess most of the people try to work with it as best as they can. For me personal, I am not suffering not too bad from quarantine and lock-down. I still get to teach 7/8 hours a days from Monday to Thursday – I am on of the lucky ones to have students who have/were given all the needed hardware to do online school with them. I just adjusted my work space/office to have a virtual classroom. I set up my camera and monitors to have one screen share for files and another as “chalkboard” where I can write on. That is working really fine for about 5 weeks now, even if I really miss seeing my students in person sometimes.

I followed the discussions about how to start school again with high interest, as according to all other news we are not yet over the pandemic problems since we have not yet any kind of vaccine. So we still have rules like limited contacts only, do not take your kids on your shopping tours and in some areas even the duty to wear masks while shopping or being on public transport vehicles. All over they tell us the self made masks won’t protect us from being infected and only safe the people around you in case you are infected and do not know. Reading all that I thought, they will keep school online for the rest of this school year to be honest, at least for those who have a good running system and perfect contact to their students. I was so wrong… They now force all exam classes back to school with no exception of having better alternatives or possibilities, which would limit the risk to get infected. So even if you have a good running online schooling, it doesn’t matter. If you have better ideas against the given “10 – 15 students in one little classroom”, for example use the gyms which is like 3 to 4 times bigger than a class room and you could keep the class together with 18 people and still have more space between them and as well the teacher… no exceptions allowed. When I read the reason for that “no exceptions” politics I was shocked. The reason would be to TEST how the numbers of infections change, if you put 10-15 people with the teacher in one tiny classroom… WTF?!? What is wrong with our society if we use kids and teachers as “guinea pigs” if we could have other solutions to keep them way more safe and healthy? I would not say a word, if that would be the only possibility to go back to a regular school schedule and if we already would have ways to really protect people like I already said for example vaccine, or at least protecting masks and what ever it needs! Our kids have their parents at home, sometimes even their grandparents. Some have parents, who suffer from all kind of heavy sicknesses or diseases! Just because the symptoms are not affecting the majority of kids that much, we just take the risk of making our kids sick on purpose and make them bringing it home to the rest of their family?!? I just do not see the pressure of having schools back up and having all grades right for the next certificate in only a few month by risking the health and maybe even the life of people or kids, especially if we could have all kind of work-arounds like home schooling or better protection if the classes have to be in presence of kids and teacher. I am not a paranoid person, I wasn’t panicking at all over all that past weeks, but the news of the past few days just totally did throw me off and beyond.

With all of that, I guess it again pulled out my darker side again for my pictures, but I do not mind that, since I do enjoy that side of mine too ๐Ÿ˜‰
Lately I found a mega cool tattoo brand called Vegas Tattoo. They really do interesting and well drawn tattoos for an everyday look – if you love tattoos like me that would be ๐Ÿ˜‰ Today I chose one of their latest releases for Spring Flair Event called “Welcoming Spring”. The tattoo covers all parts of the body, You have something on your front and back upper body, your arms and hands as well as down your right leg. What caught me the most is, that the seams are extremely well done. A nice little detail is the sweet butterfly at your left hip with all the more dark looking ornaments of the rest of the tattoo ๐Ÿ˜‰
Certainly I had to complete my style with a lot of incredible, amazing CerberusXing designs – I can’t help it iam just a [CX] addicted *winks* Since I am in a way better mood now, after venting just a bit today in the beginning of my post, I will see with what I will come up next…

Clothing

Top: Sorumin – “Elegents Harness” (Maitreya)

Panties: [CX] – “Pantsu Codex” (Maitreya)

Legwraps: [CX] – “Legwraps – Leather” (Maitreya)

Accessories

Horns: [CX] – “The Altar Horns” – NEW @ Anthem // April 2020

Pasties: .ARISE. – “Spiked Pasties / Black Silver” (Maitreya)

Leg Straps: [CX] – “Wild Hazard Leg Harness – Black (B)” (Maitreya)

Nails & Rings: [CX] – “Essential Dirty Claws” (Maitreya, Bento)

Chain Belt: [CX] – “Mucronate Chains – M – Silver” (Maitreya)

Hair & Makeup

Hair: adoness – “beanie”

Makeup 1: CAZIMI – “Eyeshadow Bases – Classic Shapes – 08 75% black” (BoM)

Makeup 2: Nefekalum Tattoos – “Cheek & Nose Contour (Tintable)” (BoM)

Freckles: Izzie’s – “Pores & Blemishes – Freckles” (BoM)

Lipstick: CAZIMI – “Trending HD Lips (LeLutka) Set 02 Neutrals” (LeLutka Evolution Applier)

Eyebrows: ~Songbird~ – “Pencil Thin Brows : Black” (BoM)

Head, Body & Tattoo

Head: LeLUTKA – “Nova 1.2”

Body: Maitreya – “Lara 5.0.2”

Ears: [CX] – “Ostium Impaler Ears”

Tattoo: Vegas Tattoo – “Welcoming Spring” (BoM) – NEW @ Spring Flair by Flair for Events

Feet Tattoo: [CX] – “Bloody Feet Tattoo” (Omega Applier, part of the Implant Revived Heels)

Poses, Props & Tools

Pose Picture 1: Infiniti – “Cuffs 6” (cuffs included)

Pose Picture 2: Infiniti – “Seduce 7”

Pose Picture 3: Selfmade

Pose Picture 4: Le Poppycock – “Sinking”

Backdrop: [CX] – “Crucem Inverso”

Whip: 22769 ~ [bauwerk] – “Leather Whip”

Candles: LDG – “FULL PERM 766 Candle Drip No.2 Animated Flame /ON_OFF/5 parts/5 textures/Builderkit”

Pose Tool: Anypose โ€“ โ€œBVN HUD v1.6โ€

Face Animation Tool: LeLutka โ€“ โ€œAxis HUD Face 1.1โ€

Model & Photographer

Wicca Merlin

I don’t wanna fight the world alone

Poseidon – “Amazon Princess 5 rev” (lightly moded for the left arm)

TUNES

Never wanted to feel
Never wanted you to steal my heart
Never wanted to know
Never wanted to show I’m weak

Always wanted to be
Always wanted you to see my heart
Always wanted your love
Always wanted but never was

Never told you before
Never loved you more

I’m falling all over myself
Trying to be someone else
I wish you would dare to walk me home
So I wouldn’t have to feel alone

I’m falling all over myself
Dying to be someone else
I wish you would dare to walk me home
I don’t wanna fight the world alone

[Pretty Reckless]

Pose: Infiniti – “Coy 3M” (lightly moded for the left arm)

โ€œWhen you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourselfโ€
[Earl Nightingale]

I am sure we all know that feeling… you got hurt to the bones and all you want is revenge in the very first moment, before your mind comes clear again.

It feels like some one ripped you apart and you want nothing more, than that person slowly dying, under all the pain that you even can imagine. Sometimes maybe we even need that feelings to wakeup, even if it feels like your heart got ripped out. Sometimes it opens our eyes that we closed by trust to someone, no matter what others said.

I am guilty for that, because I never listen to what one person has to say about another. I want to make my own experiences, without being biased by any kind of opinion. That might sound stupid to many, but for me in general it was a good thing, even if you get disappointed and hurt sometimes. I would not have met some of my dearest friends, just because others did not go well along with them. When you get older it is easier to listen first and to keep it in the back of your head without letting it affect your first meeting with a new person. But in general I am still stubborn with that and wanna know that person first before do any kind of judgment.

If you met such a person, and you go along well over many years and then all of a sudden that person turns around 180ยฐ and shows exactly that behavior, that you was warned about, THAT even hurts more than a ‘usual’ disappointment. That happened to me only 2 times in SL for thank god and not too many times in RL either. But in that very moments, it felt a blood rage coming up from deep inside and I was not able to do anything, because I was not even told what my mistake would have been, to make that person change so badly. You think of all kind of actions what you could do to that person, not only to hurt them but to get rid of that pain deep inside you. Sometimes it even makes you crazy when you try to figure out, what could have happened and do not find anything that would lead to such an action.

I always was a hot head with deep emotions and when I was younger it was even worse than today. As a kid I had to take immediate action somehow to lower that kind of pain. Today I at least can sit back and calm down first. After some time the pain lowers and I do not anymore feel like blinded by a mask of rage. I learned to deal with that kind of pain. Usually I tell myself, that we are all humans and humans are doing those things sometimes. That I am not always responsible for 360ยฐ mind changes, just because some people like to listen to others and never really do the hassle to try to get you known, or ask about a gossip they were told. That would require a lot of strength, to confront someone with a gossip and maybe not getting the response that you want. It is easier to believe something someone said about somebody, instead of going to that person and say “Hey I heard you did this/ said that about me”. I do that and even that can cost you a friendship, but then… that friendship might not have been hold too long anyways, or not being worth the effort to do that. Like Frank N. Further sang it already in the Rocky Horror Picture Show “Don’t judge a book by its” cover”! Sometimes it might be worth it to at least read the first few lines before you doom someone. You even might be surprised, what is behind that cover – or even that gossip you heard – if you know both sides. I know taking that time is an effort, but it might pay off positive in the end ๐Ÿ˜‰

Real friendship, that even survives gossips and mistakes, is something very valuable to me and I do have a very few people in my RL and SL, that I would put my hand into fire for and I know – anyways when I call them, or if I try to reach them – they will be there for me – even in the middle of the night.

Having those friends, who even listen if you are in a bad pain psychological or physical, makes that pain not that heavy anymore. Sometimes they even can help you to calm down and see the other side of the coin by taking off your rage mask.

I am grateful for all of you, that helped me through hard, emotional situations. You know who you are, without me throwing names! Than you for making my Second Life more nice everyday and sometimes even my real life โ™ฅ

Pose: Infiniti – “Coy 3M” (lightly moded for the left arm)

Outfit & Accessories

Outfit (+Torso, feeet & hands): CURELESS [+] – “Anatomic Doll” (Maitreya, Bento, Gacha)

Collar: Salt & Pepper (S&P) – “Octoberfest Collar – Black” (Gacha)

Nails (right hand): [CX] – “Heavily Nailed – Rough”

Heart (left hand): CURELESS [+] – “Valentine’s Heart”

Hair & Makeup

Hair: no.match – “No.Case”

Body & Tattoo

Head: CURELESS [+] – “Luxury Dolls/Amethyst” (Gacha)

Body: Maitreya – “Lara 4.1”

Skin: CURELESS [+] – “Luxury Dolls / Appliers & Carved Three” (Maitreya Applier, comes with the Head)

Poses & Props

Poses: Poseidon – “Amazon Princess 5 rev” + Infiniti – “Coy 3M” (both lightly moded for the left arm)

Backdrop: [CX] – “Crucem Inverso”

Model & Photographer

Wicca Merlin

Circus! – Faster Pussycat meets Machoire

Circus 1

I have no clue how this idea was born…

That was one of the moments when you go over your wardrobe and try to find some inspiration ๐Ÿ˜‰

I wanted to do something special for the new “Ganta Heels” from Machoire.

The heels are not only shoes, they are an art piece, so they needed something extraordinary. What could be for such an idea the something from Faster Pussycat!

I saw the “Hydra” outfit during the popstars show at the 24 event last weekend and fell immediately in love with it, A corset paired with a two-part harness and those exciting, wild horn parts covering the waits and chest. There is as well a headpiece matching to them, which I did not use for today’s pictures.

Circus 2

The beautiful and strong-looking tattoo is one of the newest releases from White Widow.ย  Julie Hastings made this one as her contribution to the ‘anyBODY – for applier lovers‘ event.

The while look had kinda a burlesque or even vintage circus feeling and so I was trying to make some pictures in that direction. The poses certainly had to be different for that too as I wanted to highlight the whole look. It is not always easy to drag the focus on shoes if you want to showcase the outfit as well ๐Ÿ˜‰

The amazing, cool hair was made by Mirja Mills, owner and designer of EMO-tions.

I have a weakness for circus themes anyways especially the more vintage ones, so this pictures really were a lot of fun ๐Ÿ™‚

Circus 3

Details

Outfit: Faster Pussycat – “Hydra”

Shoes: Machoire – “Ganta Heels” – NEW

Tattoo: [White~Widow] – “Focus” – NEW (@ anyBODY)

Hair: EMO-tions – “Alicia”

Nail Polish: Nailed It! – “Diva Set”

Mesh Body, Hands & Feet: Slink

Poses: .Infiniti. – “Contort”

Model & Photographer: Wicca Merlin